Another day, another....

Well, I would say another dollar had I actually worked today. It is so frustrating to work at a place where they don't care about your comfort or whether you can pay your bills or not. I am inches from telling them to go fuck themselves. It almost seems more worth it to work at the Gap or some shitty place than to work for the United States Postal Service; careless assholes. I have asked numerous times for more work, obviously asked on deaf ears and blind eyes and no sense of humanity. These are the same people who tell 54 year old workers they are no longer fit for service, thus disqualifying them for any retirement or accumulated sick leave. It's quite unfair, and a little bit sickening.

Despite my lack of work, and lack of money I am still feeling much better than I was a few months ago. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has been life changing. I feel inspired by the people I train with, I am seeing the weight melt off like hot butter, I stopped smoking cigarettes, I barely smoke weed anymore and twice a week I am able to release any pent up aggression on some other poor white belt weighing 50 pounds less and about a foot shorter. I say that in jest, I truly enjoy training, and every opponent is a challenge. It is the act of straining, moving, thinking, sweeping and maneuvering for an hour and a half, which gives my mind and body the stress relieving exercise it needs. It sort of takes my mind off the fact that my work could care less about me, and reminds my body that I am much stronger than I think I am.

That's another thing. I feel so much more confident in myself now that I do Jiu Jitsu. Knowing there is no one who can physically dominate me changes everything. For men, the only reason we don't speak our mind in a stressful situation is because we fear confrontation, don't let anyone lie and tell you differently. So when a man possesses a certain strength and knowledge of self-defense and physical dominance avoiding confrontation doesn't seem as important. If I don't like how it is, I will say so. Why? Because the worst you could do is try and fight me and there is no way you will beat me up. I may not beat you up, but you definitely won't beat me up. It's that simple. Only a month in, and the change is obvious.

Woman are still not so easy to be confident with. Yes, I feel more confident, but it doesn't change that I feel so invasive, sleazy or, pardon the inventive word, douchebaggy (See hotchickswithdouchebags blog). Time and again I make an attempt to strike up honest conversation with an attractive woman and somehow I manage to come off as a dirtbag, or that is the way it seems. There are a few scenarios here...

We talk briefly, get along well, friends take her away.

We talk briefly, she acts uninterested, I leave because I don't play that game.

We talk briefly, she acts like a bitch and I tell her to go fuck herself. This one is more fun because I would rather those women never talk to me again.

We talk briefly, she is more interested in one of my friends.

We talk briefly, boyfriend takes her away like an asshole, dogging me all the way.

I don't think I have ever gotten a phone number from a friendly interaction at a public place. That thought is a little depressing but I won't let it bring me down. I know that I have a lot to offer and women who don't see it aren't really worth the time. I am aware that I live in Bimboton, CA and the standards are based on women who used to date men who ran in a group called J.O.X.; how brilliant can they be?

So perhaps I need a change of scenery? Perhaps I need a new approach? I am not going to worry about it. I think the most important thing for me to do is maintain my current position, train hard in BJJ and keep finding a good job so I might pay off my debt and begin to apply for Graduate School. BJJ really fixes me. I can't explain it, it is just an equalizer that is essential to

I will blog some other time about graduate school.

Yesterday's game: LAD 7 HA 6, 11th inning BOMB from Jeff Kent took us to victory. Gotta love when that sort of stuff happens.

Till next time,
I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, Internet.